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gooner
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:44 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote

Police carried out a drugs raid at a scout camp the other day. Four of the young scallywags were arrested for possession with intent.
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

George Michael's settled well in Prison. He's already written a song about his skinhead cell mate..... It's called Hairless Fister.
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Tim
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

George Michael has been found in his cell with a chocolate bar up his arse.

A prison spokesperson said it was just a Careless Wispa.
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Pkh72
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 12:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do the Chilean miners and George Michael have in common?
They'll both be out after 8 weeks of heavy drilling.
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Rodge
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
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DradusContact
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



And they kept saying "Roger" all the time, not to mention being "go for re-entry" at the end of the (e)mission ...
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Chocy Rocky
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Despite the reports of massive poverty, poorly assembled and maintained buildings, and questionable hygiene standards it has been confirmed that the 2014 Commonwealth games will go ahead in Glasgow as planned.



Sorry my West coast forum cousins.
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Chocy Rocky
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I went down stairs this morning to see my wife face down on the kitchen floor, she wasn't breathing and I could feel the panic taking me over........then I remembered....McDonald's serves breakfast until 10.30.
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Boxer6
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chocy Rocky wrote:
Despite the reports of massive poverty, poorly assembled and maintained buildings, and questionable hygiene standards it has been confirmed that the 2014 Commonwealth games will go ahead in Glasgow as planned.



Sorry my West coast forum cousins.


Edin-bugger twat!!!  
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Chocy Rocky
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own.  He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.' He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked,   'My ears?  Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.  I have a 26 inch waist.  Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....  'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.......

That was me.......'
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chilean Miner jokes:

After spending 69 days in a hole in the ground, not able to do very much ... the council have finally fixed my road

They're famous now but ... they'll only ever be miner celebrities

All the people on the surface should have dressed in Planet of the Apes costumes ...

I read a headline "Chileans hold party at mine". I know they've been through a lot, but they could have asked me first ...

I hate all the hype about the miners, and how they're in all the media ... I preferred them when they were a bit more underground ....

I do love the irony that the miners are rescued on Margaret Thatcher's birthday ...
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My Nan has discovered a lump in each breast.

Turns out it was her knees.
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Boxer6
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:16 am    Post subject: A Christmas Tradition Reply with quote

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.
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DradusContact
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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Blarno
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 5:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man whispers to a woman at the bar:

"I'd love to fill your fanny full of Stella, then drink it slowly"

Horrified, she runs to her husband and tells him.

"Aren't you going to beat the shit out of him for saying that?" she said.

"No way! I'm not fighting any man who can drink that much Stella!"
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My Chinese neighbour died the other day and nobody turned up for his funeral.
Unbereavable.
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DradusContact
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Blarno wrote:
My Chinese neighbour died the other day and nobody turned up for his funeral.
Unbereavable.


 
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now listen up, because daddy is only going to go
through this once.

First, you need to understand that when you use an
earpiece in a public place, you look like a crazy
person. I don’t mean a fun-crazy person like the Iron
Sheik. I mean a crazy-crazy person like the guy on the
corner with the aluminum-foil hat and a three-day-old
salmon taped to his shoe.

People think you’re obnoxious. They make fun of you
the moment you’re out of earshot. Yes, they make fun
of you every single time. Yes, all of them. You’re the
person wearing his underwear outside his pants. Yes,
you are. Trust me.

Second, when we see you wearing an earpiece, we are
not fooled into thinking you’re important. Important
people do not wear earpieces at the grocery store on a
Saturday afternoon. No, they don’t. Important people
don’t feel a need to put their importance on display.
People who try to look important never are, just as
people who describe themselves in personal ads as
“classy and intelligent” never are. Trust me. I’m yer
daddy. I’m right.

Third, the earpiece does not make you look cool. Yes,
we know that you probably paid $100 or more for it.
No, we don’t care. Most of us own things that cost
$100 or more. Heck, these days it costs $100 to buy a
week’s worth of gas. You can’t buy a bowl of soup in
Tijuana for $100 right now. The only guy impressed by
$100 is the guy with the aluminum-foil hat, and he
doesn’t care about your earpiece because he doesn’t
know what year it is.

Fourth, and this one might be the hardest for you to
swallow, it really is OK to not be accessible by phone
sometimes. If your hands are busy holding grocery
bags, it’s OK to let that call go to voice mail.
Unless you are a doctor, nobody is going to die
because you didn’t have your earpiece in. Even if you
are a doctor, the chances are that the call is about a
tee time. Your spouse can wait a few minutes to find
out what you want for dinner. Your friend can wait to
find out what you’re doing on Saturday.

I know, I know, the suspense of not knowing who’s
calling, or what they want, or that it might be
something really important, is a siren’s song you
think you are powerless to resist. You’re wrong.
Unless you’re 12 years old, you once led your life
without a cell phone and without an earpiece. When you
did, the world did not implode. No, it didn’t. Trust
me. I’m yer daddy.

I’m sorry to have been so hard on you, but it’s for
your own good. The first step to managing your
addiction is to admit you have a problem. If you’re
wearing an earpiece right now, while you’re reading
this, you have a problem.

Yes, you do. Trust me.
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Pkh72
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.

To be fair the audience did try to warn him
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A mother is sitting in the garden with her three daughters.

"Mummy," the first daughter asks. "Why am I called Rose?"

"Because when you were born a rose petal fell from that bush and landed on your forehead."

"Mummy," asked the second daughter. "Why am I called Tulip?"

"Because when you were born a tulip petal fell from over there and landed on your forehead."

The third daughter moaned: "Mnanmammmammnaamammangh!"

"Be quiet Fridge," said the mother.
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A young couple was making passionate love in the back of the man's panel van when, suddenly, the girl (being a bit on the kinky side) yells out, "Oh, big boy, whip me! Whip me!"

The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously didn't have a whip to hand but, in a flash of inspiration, opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are beginning to fester a bit so she goes to her doctor. He takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

The girl is somewhat taken aback and embarrassedly admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor says, "I thought so because this is the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
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BeN
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A turkey was chatting with a bull...

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients!”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
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DradusContact
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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


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Humphrey The Pug
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fernando Alonso is teaming up with Apple to launch a new type of internet viewing software the i-browse is expected to be a big hit.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My wife came straight out the shower and stood in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her they are not I came up with a suggestion."If you want your tits to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them".Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breast. "How long will this take?" She asked."They will grow larger over a period of years." I replied. She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make the larger over the year?"Without missing a beat I replied "Worked for your arse didn't it?"
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Rodge
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fernando Alonso and Apple have come together in a sponsorship deal that renames their Safari software to iBrows.
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Boxer6
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Postman pal of mine was doing a holiday relief round in one of the more affluent areas of Sheffield.
On opening one front gate he was faced by a snarling terrier which was standing between him and the front door.
" Just kick his balls and he'll let you past", said a rather plummy female voice from the front window.
He took a huge swing and connected with the dog which did indeed slope away whining.
" I meant one of those on the lawn ", said the woman.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:36 am    Post subject: Kids on: The Ocean Reply with quote

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.
If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Melissa, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson, she's not my friend anymore. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.
Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.
My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids.
They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean.
My baby brother is always crying.
My dad keeps yelling at my mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock.
They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.  (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.
She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss. One wipes her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers. Their two husbands were in the pub the next day. One says, "I'd better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on." The other man says, "That's fuck all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, We'll never forget you. From all the boys at the fire station...
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Frank Bullitt
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was busy shagging a bird on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open  

"Shit, my husband is home early, quick, use the back door"

I know I should have left at that point but was never going to refuse an offer like that.
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Blarno
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One evening a family checks their frail, elderly mother into a nursing home and leave her, knowing she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Mum, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
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Boxer6
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 6:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am a bit spoilt really.

My wife makes me sandwiches for my lunch every work day. I sit and unwrap them with a very pleasant anticipation.

The other day I poured my tea and unwrapped the days lunch. Took a bite and nearly died of it. How disgusting it tasted I cannot even describe. I tried to claw my tongue out it was so evil.

Spent the rest of lunch hour retching and rinsing out my destroyed mouth.

When I got home she asked me how my lunch was before the door even closed.

I told her that she had nealy killed me and asked what on earth she put in the sandwiches ?

Apparently she thought I would enjoy some Crab paste she saw on special offer.

Fair enough I thought, but asked where she bought the crab paste?

"Boots"
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Boxer6
Twin-charged

My Car: Subaru Legacy Spec B.

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 9172


Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SEX ON MARS
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after
accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
 
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have computers, how they make money, etc.
 
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
 
' Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
 
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the same way you do.' A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie
member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
 
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'
 
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
 
'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's
quite impressively long.
 
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each
pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is
extremely exciting to the woman.
 
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.
 
The next day the couples rejoin their original partners and go their
separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
 
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She  kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'
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Boxer6
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Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:52 am    Post subject: THAT ship….. Reply with quote

Wife - "Can I drive?"

Husband - "No. I'm fine"

Wife - "Oh, please let me. I really want to!"

Husband - "No"

Wife - "I tell you what, if you let me drive, just for a bit, when we get home I'll give you a blowjob"

Husband - "Really?"

Wife - "Promise"

Husband - "Oh go on then"..."

And that, your honour, is the final entry from the black box on the Costa Concordia
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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My Car: Mini Countryman Cooper S All4

Joined: 22 Dec 2006
Posts: 15518


Location: Europa

PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

People keep telling me my beard makes me look like an axe murderer. I tell them it's a magic beard which disappears when you look away.

That usually buys me enough time to reach for my axe.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm in the dog house with the wife again. Lying in bed last night she said "if you turn the lamp off, I'll take it up the arse".

Maybe I should have let the bulb cool down a bit.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A message to the bloke in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide but you can't run!

----------------------------------------------------------------

I bought an edible chess set the other day, but it didn't taste right so I took it back to the shop keeper. When I gave it back to him he said "It's stale mate"

----------------------------------------------------------------

The missus said to me the other day, "I bet you can't go a day without making a joke about periods".

"You're on" I replied.

----------------------------------------------------------------

A bloke was going down on a prostitute, after a while he came across a pea. "This is a bit strange" he thought, but carried on anyway.
Then he came across a carrot. "Something's definitely not right here" he thought and said "Excuse me love, are you sick"

"No" she replied "but I think the last bloke was"
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Boxer6
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A guy is driving around Ayrshire and he sees a sign in front of a house that says Talking Dog For Sale.
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden. The guy goes into the back garden and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"Is this the one that talks?" he asks. Breeder says "Aye."

Bloke kneels down in front of the pooch, starts to pat it and says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. So, as a reward they retired me, got me lovely Labrador bitch to share my kennel with. I had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just living the life of Reilly."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


"Ten quid," the guy says.


"Ten quid? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"


"He's a fuckin' liar. He never did any of that shite."
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PhilD
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My Car: Fiat Grande Punto Sporting

Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 15807



PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"What do we want?"
"When do we want it?"
"Now!"
"Timing"
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Frank Bullitt
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My Car: .
View My Motor: .

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So 40% of men over 40 suffer some from some erection problems?

Looking at 40% of women over 40, it's not difficult to see why

-----------------------------------------------------------

As I answered the door dressed in high heels, stockings and suspenders, leather mini skirt and bright red lipstick, the Avon lady asked "Hello sir, is your wife at home?" To which I replied "Take a wild fucking guess, love"

-----------------------------------------------------------

My bird came up to bed last night and said "I want something ten inches long and full of spunk".  "No Problem" I replied and gave her one of my socks from under the bed

-----------------------------------------------------------

Harry Redknapp is signing two new African players in the transfer window, Didi Paye and Deedee Fuk are looking to make an immediate impact.

I'll not bother posting the truly gross ones!
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Blarno
Cheapskate Know-it-all

My Car: The Flying Glacier Mint

Joined: 22 Dec 2006
Posts: 17038


Location: The Shores of Hell

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

/Father Ted mode

Go on, go on, go on!

/Father Ted off.
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Sphincteral Twitch: Debut EP "Disastrous Rectal Misfortune" work in progress.

Morbid Obesity: Debut album "Shallow Gravy" due...work in progress.

Spiderpuncher - A seedy trip into electro industrial madness.

Pathway - Punk. Loud. Probably crap.

Giant wrote:
Blarno is right
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Boxer6
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My Car: Subaru Legacy Spec B.

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 9172


Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Blarno wrote:
/Father Ted mode

Go on, go on, go on!

/Father Ted off.


What he said!!


No such thing as 'truly gross' in comedy!!!
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Frank Bullitt
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, you asked for it...

I found my Nan dead in her bed this morning, I was gutted, I put my arms around her and held her as a tear rolled down my cheek I noticed that she was naked.  I ended up fucking her, just as I was about to come she shouted "BOO".  

I mean, what sort of sick cow pretends to be dead

---------------------------------------------------------

A Scout Master was teaching his son to wank "This is great Dad" said the son.  Dad replied "You think this is good? Wait 'till you are 13, you get to use your own cock"

---------------------------------------------------------

More?
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Boxer6
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My Car: Subaru Legacy Spec B.

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 9172


Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frank Bullitt wrote:
Okay, you asked for it...

I found my Nan dead in her bed this morning, I was gutted, I put my arms around her and held her as a tear rolled down my cheek I noticed that she was naked.  I ended up fucking her, just as I was about to come she shouted "BOO".  

I mean, what sort of sick cow pretends to be dead

---------------------------------------------------------

A Scout Master was teaching his son to wank "This is great Dad" said the son.  Dad replied "You think this is good? Wait 'till you are 13, you get to use your own cock"

---------------------------------------------------------

More?


Not gross yet!!

Keep going….
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Stuntman
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My Car: M3 Saloon, Cayman S and GT4

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Location: Cheltenham

PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have we ever seen Frank Bullitt and Frankie Boyle in the same room?  

I'm virtually impossible to offend, so another vote for keep posting.
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Boxer6
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My Car: Subaru Legacy Spec B.

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 9172


Location: The dark recesses of my mind......

PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stuntman wrote:
Have we ever seen Frank Bullitt and Frankie Boyle in the same room?  

I'm virtually impossible to offend, so another vote for keep posting.


Being a fan of both Frankie Boyle AND Jerry Sadowitz (I know, I know; controversial, huh?) I think I've managed to transcend even "virtually" tbh!
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Frank Bullitt
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boxer6 wrote:
Stuntman wrote:
Have we ever seen Frank Bullitt and Frankie Boyle in the same room?  

I'm virtually impossible to offend, so another vote for keep posting.


Being a fan of both Frankie Boyle AND Jerry Sadowitz (I know, I know; controversial, huh?) I think I've managed to transcend even "virtually" tbh!


I'm going to see Frankie Boyle in September and can't wait; anyone I mention it too has a sharp intake of breath and a look on their face that suggests they've taken one in the plumbs - I think he is hilarious though!

More to come...
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
Propellorhead

My Car: Mini Countryman Cooper S All4

Joined: 22 Dec 2006
Posts: 15518


Location: Europa

PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boxer6 wrote:

Not gross yet!!

Keep going….

You asked for it!

A pedo is leading a young girl through a dark woods. She's frightened, so takes his hand. He replies, "You're scared? How do you think I feel, I have to walk back on my own".
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Bob Sacamano
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My Car: BMW 320d M Sport Auto

Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Posts: 11884



PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frank Bullitt wrote:
Boxer6 wrote:
Stuntman wrote:
Have we ever seen Frank Bullitt and Frankie Boyle in the same room?  

I'm virtually impossible to offend, so another vote for keep posting.


Being a fan of both Frankie Boyle AND Jerry Sadowitz (I know, I know; controversial, huh?) I think I've managed to transcend even "virtually" tbh!


I'm going to see Frankie Boyle in September and can't wait; anyone I mention it too has a sharp intake of breath and a look on their face that suggests they've taken one in the plumbs - I think he is hilarious though!

More to come...



A mate of mine went to see Frankie Boyle and enjoyed it. He did say, however, that he did have a very uncomfortable few minutes as Frankie went on about disabled children as a friend of our had just given birth to a Downs baby and it felt very close to home.
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Big Blue
Nuclear

My Car: Alpina B5 BiTurbo Touring Nr15 (The Gorilla); Yamaha R1 (the Black Whanger); The E46 323i With No Name

Joined: 01 Jan 2007
Posts: 10861


Location: SW1. Back where I belong.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

W2.0 and I saw FB last year. Fucking hilarious. It was just before his Tramadol Nights show on C4 so it was all genuine new stuff.

As for picking on his audience:

"Is that your mum? Fuck me, don't bring yer kids to ma show! Your mum know's you wank..... in fact your mum wanks.... and she wanks your dad."
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Giant
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I saw FB about 4 years ago. There was a group of about 8 of us and we were the front row. We got picked on relentlessly for the entire show, it was fabulous, it was like out own private gig.

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