| Archive for The Motor Forum talking cars since 2006 |
| PR |
Technically not quite what I meant, but  indeed!
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| canadian bacon |
also:
what does the ECT (snow) Mode on a lexus rx 300 do ? We still don't know...... |
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| canadian bacon |
try crawling under it to change the fuel tank, might change your mind about how 'cute' it is (I did)..... 
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| Rodge |
I'm picking up a thermos, for you Not an ordinary thermos, for you... I slit the sheets, the sheets I slit and on those slitted sheeta I sit. No, never seen it
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| Mrs Skyhook |
Man Maffs: mathematical calculations done by the male of the species, who can add up to 23 (so long as he takes off his socks and pants).
CB's froggy is probably the cutest car in the world, and I am insanely jealous. Michael really has been smug and loathsome since 1979, don't try to emulate him unless you can be equally funny. My avatar is ironic, posting puerile comments about it will merely prove you have the sense of humour of an 11 year old boy. If you want to discuss it (them), please feel free to email me at busty_wench@boobs4u.com. Ensure you have a valid credit card available. Piers is our biggest car nerd, even going so far as to vacuum stripes on the mats. We haven't found a wheel he likes yet, but we continue to try. He also has a purely platonic relationship (he assures us) with Louise Goodman. This is a great shame, but then again a man who takes his alloys off to clean behind them with a toothbrush doesn't have time for a relationship with a TV presenter. He gives marvellous hugs, and once did me the honour of buying me an ice cream after a hailstorm. Always an absolute pleasure to meet and chat with (and watch scampering around a Mercedes like a little boy in a sweetie shop). Forum meets: always wonderful, always interesting (even for a non-car nerd like me) and always (for some reason) involving beer (and usually more great hugs from forum members). The plane does take off. If you don't understand why, please feel free to pm either myself or Racing (whose fault it was in the first place). My signature really does make sense, and even has a car reference. Skyhook - never knowingly posted sober, and sees no shame in that. Able to start a fight in an empty room and is still not guaranteed to win. Drives the perfect car (for him), it being the small and evil SportKa SE (why is the SE so bloody important?). Short arse with a big mouth. The love of my life, and my husband. Lucky girl I am. |
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| BeN |
Oh my. I think it was Dan who won in 2006 then. I forgot who won in 2005... |
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| Rodge |
You may have noticed the Today's Automotive Villain Is... thread.
The most frequent poster lives in the land of the quivering javelin, home of Britains worst drivers (Watch Sky One and you'll see). A land that has been burdened with the presence of Glyn Slade of Stratford Blue Coaches. He dislikes everyone apparently. |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Now replaced by Get a Puma of course |
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| M. |
Not to be confused with Get a GTA which was a popular saying until the tax band changes came in. |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Well at least Dradus can't say people are ignoring him this time round ... 
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| PG |
Ah yes, you've reminded me. That's where Dr Hfrfrugutyfffffv comes from. |
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| Skyhook |
Sportka (SE)
The SE suffix denotes a higher spec model than the mere Sportka. The insisted use of the said SE after every mention of ‘Sportka’ should definitely not be taken as a sign that the driver is a car snob – he's definitely not the type who refuses to wind down his windows on hot Summer days in case people mistake him for a pleb who doesn't have air-conditioning. Which, incidentally, the SE has. And half leather seats. |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Which half? Front or back? Driver or passenger?
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Getting names right
An obsession among the more OCD-afflicted members: it's smart not Smart, MINI not Mini (unless it's an original Mini), and - my own special one - it's Porsch-er, not Porsch. See also SportKa SE ... |
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| scamper |
`BMW' Threads
Someone starts a thread about an Alfa and the art is to turn it into talking about BMW's within 6 posts. |
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| GonnaBreakABuggy |
'UPGRADE' Threads
Someone posts about the cost of Alfa upgrades and and the next 6 posts point out that he could have bought a BMW for that. Or a Mac. |
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| scamper |
Preventative maintenance
An excuse by Alfa owners as to why they have just spent 4 zillion pounds on maintaining (fixing) their GTA. |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Surely the BMW thing is not restricted to Alfa-related threads. | ||||||
| M. |
Prison Offender Research into Social Care and Health? It's Michael not Micheal... |
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| Skyhook |
Percussive Maintenance
Or 'hitting things with a big spanner'. Carried out by Alfa owners who haven't just spent 4 zillion pounds on maintaining their GTA. |
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| M. |
Avoiding Maintenance
Buying a BMW because you know big bills are due on your Alfa. |
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| scamper |
Girls Car
Such wit. A Smug Kraft expression directed at MX5's. Actually funny when shouted over the shoulder of a very enthusiastic but serious MX5 owners club member who was admiring my `Maz'. |
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| Racing |
I've got a new one:
Kraft Cheese Slice Denotes the inevitable quirky French car that a certain forummer will at some stage add to more or less any thread about more or less anything. |
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| scamper |
before the thread turns to talking about BMW's......... |
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| Racing |
I'm afraid Mazdas MX5s are irretrievably linked in my mind with the immortal line in "Men behaving badly" when Neil Morrissey yells at Lesley Ash's MX-5 driving boyfriend: "Oi, you, MAZDA", whilst making a gesture with his hand that infers that he thinks said chap is an onanist. |
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| scamper |
hence my "Maz", although technically was it not a MX3 or something? |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
FWD/RWD/4WD
The longest running argument on the forum. A front wheel drive car clearly shows its owner is not an enthusiast, whereas a rear wheel drive car is driven by a twunt who imagines they're a driving God, but have in fact been saved innumerable times by electronics and modern tyre technology. And therefore four wheel drive is best unless you work for Ford, in which case it's FG. |
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| Skyhook |
It's Sportka not SportKa. (SE) |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
QED 
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| Big TC |
Requests for car-buying advice
It is Forum law that if anyone seeks advice to which car to consider buying, the first BMW suggestion MUST be within 4 posts. Whatever the requirements of the original poster. |
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| "him" |
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| Skyhook |
”I wish you no ill will, other than wishing you dead”
While lamenting the shocking standards of driving that Piers witnesses on an almost daily basis, his reports of On the Road Villainy are always eagerly anticipated, not least for the ever inventive and entertaining fates wished upon the hapless muppets he encounters. |
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| PG |
And such advice must then be completely ignored and the car actually purchased must be (a) an enormous difference in price in either direction of the original budget proposed (b) has none of the "must have" things identified in the original post For example - setting a budget of £2k, pushing it later to £3k and then buying a new Fiesta ST (cbeaks please stand up). |
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| Skyhook |
Also known as 'Doing an alan' (Part one) |
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| Big TC |
Indentify the mystery car
It doesn't matter what picture is posted, Colin or Dan will correctly identify the vehicle within 4 posts. Even if the picture is of a car you built yourself, in total secret, in a lock-up at the bottom of your garden. |
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| PR |
Or should that be BMWs with 6 pots? Leading to Chrome grilles The mark of six-cylinder 3-series BMWs, something that does not feature on even the most heavily optioned 320d M Sport Touring. See also Chrome exhaust (twin pipes) (See chrome grilles) and Embarrassingly squashed and downturned single steel pipe (See scamperspec) |
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| scamper |
Which leads us onto Spotters
BMW owners who will hijack a random thread to talk about the ins and outs of BMW or even audi/vw specs. And you will find Piers i think the 320d has a chrome exhaust for the 2008 model year? |
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| Twelfth Monkey |
Whilst all true and mostly amusing, I fear that this thread will have the opposite effect to that intended. It may well amuse us, but I'm not sure it will do anything at all to encourage newcomers. I hope I'm wrong.
A bullet-point summary by the administrator is about as far as most sites would go, with, I suspect, good reason. |
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| Skyhook |
How about Matt doing a sticky - and locking it so no-one can post - here and in general, just noting a few bullet points for newcomers? A brief welcome, invite them to dive in, general recommendations on language etc. (And a warning never to ask alan how he's feeling today )
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
I hope that anyone joining here would have enough of a sense of humour to find this amusing (though perhaps the title could be changed to reflect this). And it is useful to have a guide to forum in-jokes: every forum I've ever joined has a load of expressions like our own NFG and ETC-snow-mode, so it's good to be able to find out what they mean. You can always ask, but on less friendly forums you're as likely to get abuse as an explanataion. | ||||||
| M. |
The bullet points is broadly what I had in mind as we've been acused of cliquiness and 'in jokes' this was a way of overcoming the latter. Sort of worked! | ||||||
| scamper |
I didn't know what the Eurofighter thing was until a few weeks ago. Or half the stuff Captain goes on about (i think i have some sought of ting tongs on the MX5) |
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| woof woof |
"...And such advice must then be completely ignored...Also known as 'Doing an alan'"
oi! All input from you humans is welcme and does help me to make what's probably the wrong decision, for me, but it has to be my decision. Otherwise I'll get depressed or buy the wrong telly. Soz to take this even further off thread... |
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| Racing |
Doing an Alan
should shurely be: "introducing a latent or patent sexual content into a thread" |
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| Skyhook |
Racing has got Part Two...
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| DradusContact |
Ford Puma
The most versatile, all rounder car ever created by man. No matter what you car needs, i will not hesitate to point out to you the versatility of puma will fill your needs perfectly. I even have a fancy graph, that i didnt just make in excel, to prove this beyond any reasonable doubt. [img]  [/img]
(1997 was the launch year) As you can tragically see, automtive progress is now falling and by 2050 it will only be at only 70 Pumans (theyre like Newtons but better) |
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| "him" |
<--- 1997 was indeed a good year for the automotive industry...
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| BeN |
Depression
Some of us are prone to the occasional bout of depression. Alan's one is like a switch. It comes on and off (currently it's off, thankfully. )
Chris M, at one point in time, seemed to be in an eternal state of depression, though he seemed fine enough through my various encounters with him offline. Me too, was once struck with depression, which made me want to leave the forum, then return, then leave again, and return.... |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
You're nearly right, Dradus - it's actually 997 that represents the peak of automotive perfection ... | ||||||
| "him" |
Or did he mean it is 1 997 that does? (a space can make all the difference?) |
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| DradusContact |
Perhaps you might be right, if i didnt have that graph as proof. We all know that if someone has a graph, then they are right. | ||||||
| Matt |
<----- ditto...
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| Skyhook |
USB Breathalyser – absence of
The lack of such a device and corresponding pop-up box ”You are too drunk to operate this forum – computer is locked” has been responsible for some of my best – and worst – late night posts. If I’ve offended anyone I apol… I’m sorr…I’m so… No, still can’t do it. |
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Good point, because it's one out of the many 997 versions that is really the state of the art ... |
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| DradusContact |
That might explain you rather harshly telling me to 'do one' last night around midnight. |
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| Skyhook |
P.M. sent to clear that one up... | ||||||
| DradusContact |
Should of put a smiley in there myself i guessed you didnt mean it!
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| Bryan M |
Audi S Line - specifically A3 Tdi 2.0 - every one seems to have a downer on these but I like mine (cape on) and contrary to received wisdom do not drive like a cock.
That said I have also bought a BMW whilst being on the forum so there is a body of evidence building 
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| TimR |
A3s are ok, it's the A4 2.0TDI S Lines that are driven by cocks. And by fannies in increasing numbers. |
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| Racing |
Don't worry - I like A3s. I had one of the first-generation 1.8T quattros a few years back and loved it.
Also giving active consideration to buying an S3 Sportback (and a properly scamper-specced one to boot) when I return to the UK in December. |
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| scamper |
I too had two Mark 1 A3's and loved them over 70k miles. The latest version does not quite match the quality of the materials but is as well screwed together. I've just off loaded a fleet A3 tdi SE - 110,000 miles and it drove well with no squeeks and rattles. not the experience i've had with mark 5 Golf's.
I also think there is nothing wrong with how the A3 drives IMO. No one seems to pan the Mark 5 golf in this department. |
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| kraftwerk |
Have you been going around upsetting people again, Jase? Tsk. |
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| Skyhook |
I'm just misunderstood.
You spazzmo. |
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| PR |
There's nothing particularly right about it, though, and that's the problem. It suffers one of the worst cases of what Anthony Ffrench-Constant once dubbed 'hemlock helm' - it is totally unrewarding, unresponsive and inert to drive. I've only driven a Mk5 Golf in GTI trim, but even so you'd expect a Sport or S-Line A3 to be its equal, which it is not by a loooooong way! In the same way that a Volvo C30 is not as good to drive (apparently) as a Focus despite sharing a platform. It is a shame, because the A3 is a pleasant device to behold. |
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| scamper |
I found the current Golf estate i drove, far worse than the A3 in terms of steering feel.
Comparing a Gti to an S-line? Thats comparing a performance car to a trim level!
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| 'G' |
Confibularities new Chums!!
Chap's Car This...... 
A Chap What's entering the majestic machine in the pic. 'HG' The name of the Majestic machine in the pic (Herbert George after HG Wells. Now sadly missed). In the boot of which is a small commando team, namely Nobby, Chalky and Ginge, armed with small arms and closed tactical explosives, to combat a Communist uprising at a moments notice at anytime and anywhere. Pifco The best car accoutrement maker in history. e.g........ 
Confibularies A pleasant formal greeting from 'G' (me). I make up words for every occasion. Hendricks Gin The drink of the new Century, that pays homage to the old. Hurrah!! Vote for 'G' You kow it makes sense... 
You know it makes sense!! Any questions? |
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| DradusContact |
G
The British Empire, in the form of a person. |
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| 'G' |
The picture of me was taken just as I'd discovered my old XJ6 had passed it's MOT with flying colours and I was looking for a BMW or Merc to shout ''Ya boo sucks!" at..... Then follow up with a round of "Who won the bloody war anyway?!".
Here he is at Swansea again in January, the month we parted ways. 
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| Steve Steel |
Are you sure you aren't Swiss Tony ?
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr |
Eat my carbons, weenie
Parting shot to person usually in chavved up Corsa who is deluded enough to imagine their heap can compete with some of the more tasty motors on here, including The Beast (q.v.), for example. |
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| Twelfth Monkey |
For example!
http://themotor.myfastforum.org/about8151.html Didn't know if you'd seen, Nick. |
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| Guest |
You forget at your peril Dr Frickoff. |