DradusContact
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My motorforum chums, i need your help.Got an email from my ex girlfriend yesterday. Be 4 years at Christmas since i last spoke to her. She was the first girl i ever truly loved and she utterly shattered me when we split up, i cried like a baby for days 
Anyway, she was asking how i was doing, part of me is curious as to what she is up to but a bigger part of me thinks speaking to her in any capacity is a bad idea. Im married with a mortgage, 2 cars and a dog now.
Should i reply? Doesnt help that she was totally gorgeous.
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Mark
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The dangers of Facebook - ex girlfriends getting in touch...
I'd reply. If you're truly happy with your current situation and can control yourself, there should be no problem at all.
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PG
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Danger, danger!
Now if you do reply with anything more than "I'm fine, happily married etc" are you going to do it openly and tell your wife or privately and then cop shit if it ever comes out? She left you, remember.
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Twelfth Monkey
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I'd steer well clear if I were you. It sounds as though you still have feelings for her, and I suspect that your Mrs might not be happy if she found out.
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Skyhook
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| Mark wrote: | The dangers of Facebook - ex girlfriends getting in touch...
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A lot of mine were at my wedding...
Why is it a problem she's beautiful? You're married now - you should be proud - "look how well I've done! (you bitch)"
Of course the danger is if you get in touch the second email will say "I suggest you go to a clinic..."
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DradusContact
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I told amanda last night, i like to think we have no secrets. That i think about her sometimes is true, though less so in the last 2 years.
I miss her mum, she really liked me, used to make me food and stuff whenever i went round! Her dad was funny too, bought an X-type brand new cos he felt like it.
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BeN
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Well it depends on how the two of you separated. Amicably or violently.
I don't see why you can't ask her how she is if you two separated on good terms (but control yourself), but I would stay well clear if the break up was on bad terms.
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Gurney
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Listen to your 'bigger part' ignore memories 'lesser' parts might be feeling!
And think of the dog...
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Big TC
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Stay well away - it could well backfire and cause you much more grief.
Does your missus know about the message? If you are considering replying, do not - repeat - do NOT do it clandestinely.
Any reply should simply let the ex know that you're very happily married and do not need further contact with her.
Let us know what you decide.....
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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The problem with revisiting old girlfriends is that the reasons the relationship didn't last presumably still exist. That's without even considering your current status.
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SpecB
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Depends. I chat to one of my old girlfriends sometimes and she is a friend on Facebook but there is no regular contact.
One of my other old girlfriend's mother popped in to the stables the other month looking for me. Thank God I wasn't there as that particular flame would be the last person on earth I would want to meet or get in touch with again.
I told my wife all about it and she was fine with it.
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garry
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I've had a couple of ex girlfriends contact me through facebook. On was nice and it was great finding out about her kids and her life, the other was painful - she started emailing me about problems at home etc. Proceed with caution!
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Apex clipper
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | DradusContact wrote: | she utterly shattered me when we split up,
Im married with a mortgage, 2 cars and a dog now.
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The...how to answer your own question trick.
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DradusContact
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Maybe your right. Maybe should just delete the email. It will probably seem really rude to her but so what. When we finished she tried to carry on being friends. I'm pretty sure she moved straight on to someone else.
After a few texts i just told her i couldnt carry on being 'friends' and deleted her number.
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Nice Guy Eddie
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you'd like to shag her still wouldn't you.
Only get in contact if the you can get away with it or if you only have eyes for your wife and you wouldn't touch the old bird with a barge pole.
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simonp
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An old girlfriend and I got in touch via facebook and it got a little awkward with her telling me she still had feelings for me, but I just came straight out and said it wasn't mutual. The fact that she'd put on about 10 stone was a big help, though!
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scamper
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| Mark wrote: | | The dangers of Facebook - ex girlfriends getting in touch... |
The pleasures of Friendsreunited. Women who knew you at Uni, but you could not remember them, get in touch and a bit of fun follows!
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"him"
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I have no ex-girlfriends, but have had a few female friends contact me via facebook... I would steer clear if I were you, just think of it as a compliment and leave things as they are if you are happy with your situation.
I guess she genuinely just wants to meet up, then suggest you bring Amanda along? See what her reaction to that is...
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SpecB
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| scamper wrote: | | Mark wrote: | | The dangers of Facebook - ex girlfriends getting in touch... |
The pleasures of Friendsreunited. Women who knew you at Uni, but you could not remember them, get in touch and a bit of fun follows! |
I deleted myself from Friends Reunited after aforementioned psycho ex-girlfriend's mother showed up.
She's not on Facebook as far as I am aware and at least I would be able to block her on there.
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Eff One
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| Big TC wrote: | | Does your missus know about the message? If you are considering replying, do not - repeat - do NOT do it clandestinely. |
What he said. I would probably reply as a matter of courtesy and make it clear that you've moved on. And I would tell your wife about it asap.
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Twelfth Monkey
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Now this is the sort of thread that you don't seem to find at other forums. And this place is all the better for it...
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DradusContact
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Replied with a short email. Asked how she was, told her i had a house. Didnt mention i was married i want to see what her angle for getting in touch is first.
As i said above i told amanda last night, i dont think i have any secrets from her. Apart from a few dvds in the sock drawer like.....
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"him"
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| DradusContact wrote: | | ...Apart from a few dvds in the sock drawer like..... |
That is a given... 
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franki68
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | DradusContact wrote: | Got an email from my ex girlfriend yesterday. Be 4 years at Christmas since i last spoke to her. She was the first girl i ever truly loved and she utterly shattered me when we split up, i cried like a baby for days
Anyway, she was asking how i was doing, part of me is curious as to what she is up to but a bigger part of me thinks speaking to her in any capacity is a bad idea. Im married with a mortgage, 2 cars and a dog now.
Should i reply? Doesnt help that she was totally gorgeous. |
Ask her out for dinner,get her lighlty drunk,shag her,then tell her to fuck off...immediately after the shag.
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Scouse
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| "him" wrote: | | DradusContact wrote: | | ...Apart from a few dvds in the sock drawer like..... |
That is a given that she knows all about them and has better ones in her own sock drawer... |
fixed your post
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gonnabuildabuggy
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| Eff One wrote: | | Big TC wrote: | | Does your missus know about the message? If you are considering replying, do not - repeat - do NOT do it clandestinely. |
What he said. I would probably reply as a matter of courtesy and make it clear that I've moved on. And I would tell your wife about it asap. |
What's the purpose in replying? I'd be very, very careful.
I think NGE is spot on there!
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scamper
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| DradusContact wrote: | Replied with a short email. Asked how she was, told her i had a house. Didnt mention i was married i want to see what her angle for getting in touch is first.
As i said above i told amanda last night, i dont think i have any secrets from her. Apart from a few dvds in the sock drawer like..... |
I think that by `forgetting' to mention you are married, suggests to me you are playing games - always play it straight. You will always get caught out. As I was`forgetting' to tell Laura the true cost of my new mountain bike recently.
I've got a few specialist dvd's in my sock drawer - fortunately Mrs Scamper put them there 
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Apex clipper
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| DradusContact wrote: | Didnt mention i was married i want to see what her angle for getting in touch is first.
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?????????? What are you up too DC.
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TimR
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | franki68 wrote: |
Ask her out for dinner,get her lighlty drunk,shag her,then tell her to fuck off...immediately after the shag. |
+ make absolutely sure you, er, finish first
I don't use facebook (although I think I've got an account  ) or friends reunited.
If anyone really wanted to get in touch I'm sure it'd be easy enough for them to contact my parents who have had the same address/phone number for 30 years and are listed in the book.
It wouldn't be welcome though.
Just out of interest, you mentioned it to your wife.
What did she suggest?
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Pkh72
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One thing you have to bear in mind is how happy would you be if the wife started to converse with an ex of hers out of the blue?
If you wouldn't be too fussed and trusted her and she is the same with you then there is no harm in it i wouldn't think.
Best to do what you are doing and try to uncover her motives first, she's not going to pop round with a sprog just about the right age is she?
On a side note i don't have any specialist material but one of my mates hides his dvd's on top of the kitchen cupboards, he's a very brave man because if his missus found them she'd be wearing his bollocks for ear rings!!
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Apex clipper
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | TimR wrote: |
Just out of interest, you mentioned it to your wife.
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He did...but conveniently forgot to mention his WIFE
when he e=mailed a reply to his heartbreaker of an ex-squeeze.
DC is flattered by the attention.
Arn't you Puma man. 
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woof woof
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"Replied with a short email. Asked how she was..."
I'm in contact with a few ex gf's but I'm very cautious as there are obviously reasons why we're now ex's and while I'm mostly single or at least I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder or reading my emails you, DC, have the added complication of a loving partner who could be hurt by any future contact.
In your place I'd have replied but I'd have made it a more closed reply, something like "Thank you for asking how I am, I'm married now to someone I love very much and very happy. I hope that things worked out for the best for you too. Goodbye and good luck." Something that serves as a polite but slightly cool reply and states your married and happy status. Your reply invites further contact and as you are currently happy and in a relationship why take even the smallest risk of complications?
If she contacts you again I'd say you should go down the closed and cool reply route.
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Apex clipper
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| Pkh72 wrote: |
On a side note i don't have any specialist material but one of my mates hides his dvd's on top of the kitchen cupboards, he's a very brave man because if his missus found them she'd be wearing his bollocks for ear rings!! |
One of Your mates?
Righto.
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TimR
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | Apex clipper wrote: | | TimR wrote: |
Just out of interest, you mentioned it to your wife.
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He did...but conveniently forgot to mention his WIFE
when he e=mailed a reply to his heartbreaker of an ex-squeeze.
DC is flattered by the attention.
Arn't you Puma man. |
Yeah, I read that but just wondered if his wife had any suggestions of how to proceed.
For example, if there was to be a child of a certain age it would have a knock on effect to the current situation so wifey should get a say.
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Pkh72
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| Apex clipper wrote: | | Pkh72 wrote: |
On a side note i don't have any specialist material but one of my mates hides his dvd's on top of the kitchen cupboards, he's a very brave man because if his missus found them she'd be wearing his bollocks for ear rings!! |
One of Your mates?
Righto. |
I'm a newly wed so don't need any help yet.
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Giant
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I'd be willing to bet a chunk of cash that your ex has recently split from someone and has contacted you in search of some reassurance/comfort/confidence boost. I'd ignore the email or politely tell her to do one.
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scamper
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| Apex clipper wrote: | | Pkh72 wrote: |
On a side note i don't have any specialist material but one of my mates hides his dvd's on top of the kitchen cupboards, he's a very brave man because if his missus found them she'd be wearing his bollocks for ear rings!! |
One of Your mates?
Righto. |
"Yer, a mate, but you won't know him, he lives on the Isle of Sky"
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DradusContact
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| woof woof wrote: | | If she contacts you again I'd say you should go down the closed and cool reply route. |
Yes i will. Im just curious more than anything, whats she after?
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woof woof
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Whatever she's after she's after it for her own reasons and her own benefit. She has something to gain (even if we don't know what it is) but as far as I can see all this can do is at best open up old wounds for you and at worst wreck your current relationship.
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Pkh72
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| DradusContact wrote: | | woof woof wrote: | | If she contacts you again I'd say you should go down the closed and cool reply route. |
Yes i will. Im just curious more than anything, whats she after? |
I'd suggest you'd know better than any of us!
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DradusContact
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I promise i wont email her again!
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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| DradusContact wrote: | | Yes i will. Im just curious more than anything, whats she after? |
I don't think it's what she's after that's the issue ...
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DradusContact
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How very dare you!
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Rodge
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I met a woman who's son is in my daughters class a few months ago. She was very attractive when she was younger, but is rather large now.
I wouldn't bother with anything like that though, I'm happy with who I have!
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DradusContact
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| Rodge wrote: | | I wouldn't bother with anything like that though, I'm happy with who I have! |
+1
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Big Blue
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One benefit of an Eastern European other half is that she tells me she'll kill another woman trying to get into my life.
And she means it.
DC: you've shared it here; just drop it. No contact; nothing. Despite everything Marlene could still wrap me around her little finger if I wasn't pretty resolute about it. Stick her image in the wank-bank and remember how hurt you were when she dumped you the rest of the time.
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garry
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | franki68 wrote: |
Ask her out for dinner,get her lighlty drunk,shag her,then tell her to fuck off...immediately after the shag. |
Can't agree with that.
Dinner seems way over the top!
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woof woof
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Could stretch to a bag of chips, and if you take her from behind you can rest your chips on her back.
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Pkh72
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Watch out for the vinegar strokes though.
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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| woof woof wrote: | | Could stretch to a bag of chips, and if you take her from behind you can rest your chips on her back. |
Nah, they'll fall off when she comes.
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woof woof
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Not if you tuck the newspaper under her bra strap.
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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What if she's not wearing one?
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Jasper
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If she's anything like one of my Ex's. You can hold them in the crack of her asre.
The risk being you may lose them.
As for sending her a message. What were you thinking? Tell her to take a long walk.
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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I don't think I'd want to eat chips that had been in the crack of someone's arse, no matter how attractive she (or her arse) was.
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gonnabuildabuggy
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr wrote: | | I don't think I'd want to eat chips that had been in the crack of someone's arse, no matter how attractive she (or her arse) was. |
Some interesting connotations - are they with ketchup, brown sauce or mayonnaise?
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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| gonnabuildabuggy wrote: | | Dr. Hfuhruhurr wrote: | | I don't think I'd want to eat chips that had been in the crack of someone's arse, no matter how attractive she (or her arse) was. |
Some interesting connotations - are they with ketchup, brown sauce or mayonnaise? |
Or a kebab?
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Bob Sacramento
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | DradusContact wrote: | | Got an email from my ex girlfriend yesterday. she was totally gorgeous. |
Get it nailed.
| DradusContact wrote: | | I miss her mum, she really liked me |
And her mum.
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DradusContact
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Have deleted the email, and my reply, if she replies she replies if she doesnt then f*ck her.
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Scouse
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Surely you need her to reply to have a chance of that?
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DradusContact
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I did reply (foolishly) this morning.
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woof woof
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You could always mark her as junk mail but I think that the decent thing to do if she writes again would be to write back in a polite way but not soliciting a reply. If she carries on writing an equally polite reply wishing her well but requesting that she not write again might be best.
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Big Blue
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| woof woof wrote: | | You could always mark her as junk mail but I think that the decent thing to do if she writes again would be to write back in a polite way but not soliciting a reply. If she carries on writing an equally polite reply wishing her well but requesting that she not write again might be best. |
Nonsense. Go to some dodgy eastern european doctor to have your retinas changed; disolve your fingerprints in acid; change your name; move house; get a new job............
...... otherwise she'll find you.
She's going to boil your rabbit........
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woof woof
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Does you gf do contract jobs BB?
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr
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| Big Blue wrote: | | She's going to boil your rabbit........ |
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Boxer6
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| Dr. Hfuhruhurr wrote: | | Big Blue wrote: | | She's going to boil your rabbit........ |
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That's assuming it didn't already die........... the requisite number of years ago!!!
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Matt
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Be a batchelor. I'm not that eligible, but it suits me!
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Mrs Skyhook
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From most wives' point of view, I'd say put her on ignore and never contact her again. Seriously. That is a path you really don't want to go down, too many stones to trip the unwary...
I am not most wives, and I know that Mr S is in contact with some of his exes (we had 3 or so at our wedding!). The difference there though is that none of them were much more than 'friends with benefits', and the one that was more than that came along with her current (for quite a few years) fella, so no worries there.
I'm not sure, DC, why your ex being 'so beautiful' is an issue. It's not about what you look like, it's about who you are. My grandmother used to say 'andsome is as 'andsome does; it took me a few years but I now understand exactly what she meant. Good thing beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or I for one would still be on the shelf.
Bottom line is, stay away from the fire. It doesn't matter why she's got in contact with you - what matters is what you do about it. And as you asked for our advice here's mine: Leave alone. Well alone. She's in the past, she's history. Take the dog for a walk, go out for a spin in at least one of the cars and give your wife a good seeing to, and count your blessings. You don't need your ex.
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Stuntman
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Hmm, interesting thread.
Does this woman live anywhere near you? Might there be a chance that you bump into each other when shopping, say?
I don't think there would be any harm in a quasi-chance social encounter in the normal course of things. But I would agree with the counsel of most others here that you should be very careful indeed about arranging anything else that would solely involve you and her.
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DradusContact
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Im not going to involve anything with just me and her! How daft do you lot think i am?
I actually think she may of had her email account hacked, the message didnt seem 100% to me, she didnt put my name at the top, and she didnt put hers at the end, and there was a link to some hotmail thing about seeing whos blocked me.
Hopefully this will be the end of it.
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woof woof
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I've had that "who's blocked me thing." It just attaches itself to everything so it's probably a genuine email, just with crap attached.
The no names thing seems to be a woman thing. I know a few who send emails like that.
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Roadrunner
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| Mrs Skyhook wrote: | From most wives' point of view, I'd say put her on ignore and never contact her again. Seriously. That is a path you really don't want to go down, too many stones to trip the unwary...
I am not most wives, and I know that Mr S is in contact with some of his exes (we had 3 or so at our wedding!). The difference there though is that none of them were much more than 'friends with benefits', and the one that was more than that came along with her current (for quite a few years) fella, so no worries there.
I'm not sure, DC, why your ex being 'so beautiful' is an issue. It's not about what you look like, it's about who you are. My grandmother used to say 'andsome is as 'andsome does; it took me a few years but I now understand exactly what she meant. Good thing beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or I for one would still be on the shelf.
Bottom line is, stay away from the fire. It doesn't matter why she's got in contact with you - what matters is what you do about it. And as you asked for our advice here's mine: Leave alone. Well alone. She's in the past, she's history. Take the dog for a walk, go out for a spin in at least one of the cars and give your wife a good seeing to, and count your blessings. You don't need your ex. |
Wise words.
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scamper
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| Mrs Skyhook wrote: | | I am not most wives, and I know that Mr S is in contact with some of his exes (we had 3 or so at our wedding!). The difference there though is that none of them were much more than 'friends with benefits', and the one that was more than that came along with her current (for quite a few years) fella, so no worries there. |
Sounds familiar. Over 15-20 years, the law of drunk averages dictates you will end up in bed with a fair number of female friends. Apparently.
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Apex clipper
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Re: My motorforum chums, i need your help. | Bob Sacramento wrote: | | DradusContact wrote: | | Got an email from my ex girlfriend yesterday. she was totally gorgeous. |
Get it nailed.
| DradusContact wrote: | | I miss her mum, she really liked me |
And her mum. |
Thanks. That, after a baitch of a shift..made me smile.
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