The Motor Forum

DradusContact

Got an email from my ex girlfriend yesterday. Be 4 years at Christmas since i last spoke to her. She was the first girl i ever truly loved and she utterly shattered me when we split up, i cried like a baby for days

Anyway, she was asking how i was doing, part of me is curious as to what she is up to but a bigger part of me thinks speaking to her in any capacity is a bad idea. Im married with a mortgage, 2 cars and a dog now.

Should i reply? Doesnt help that she was totally gorgeous.
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Mark · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:07 am Post subject:

The dangers of Facebook - ex girlfriends getting in touch...

I'd reply. If you're truly happy with your current situation and can control yourself, there should be no problem at all.

PG · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:10 am Post subject:

Danger, danger!
Now if you do reply with anything more than "I'm fine, happily married etc" are you going to do it openly and tell your wife or privately and then cop shit if it ever comes out? She left you, remember.

Twelfth Monkey · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:11 am Post subject:

I'd steer well clear if I were you. It sounds as though you still have feelings for her, and I suspect that your Mrs might not be happy if she found out.
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"Accident Blackspot"? These aren't accidents. They're throwing themselves into the road gladly. Throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness.'

Skyhook · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:14 am Post subject:

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:14 am Post subject:

I told amanda last night, i like to think we have no secrets. That i think about her sometimes is true, though less so in the last 2 years.

I miss her mum, she really liked me, used to make me food and stuff whenever i went round! Her dad was funny too, bought an X-type brand new cos he felt like it.
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BeN · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:14 am Post subject:

Well it depends on how the two of you separated. Amicably or violently.

I don't see why you can't ask her how she is if you two separated on good terms (but control yourself), but I would stay well clear if the break up was on bad terms.
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On the other side of the world - Hurlecot de Millou

Not the same since 2008

Gurney · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:14 am Post subject:

Listen to your 'bigger part' ignore memories 'lesser' parts might be feeling!

And think of the dog...
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A Gentleman: Def: A male of the species who can play the Trombone.

But refrains from doing so.

Big TC · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:16 am Post subject:

Stay well away - it could well backfire and cause you much more grief.

Does your missus know about the message? If you are considering replying, do not - repeat - do NOT do it clandestinely.

Any reply should simply let the ex know that you're very happily married and do not need further contact with her.

Let us know what you decide.....
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It's a '57 Pontiac Star Chief, dontchaknow.

Dr. Hfuhruhurr · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:20 am Post subject:

The problem with revisiting old girlfriends is that the reasons the relationship didn't last presumably still exist. That's without even considering your current status.

SpecB · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:26 am Post subject:

Depends. I chat to one of my old girlfriends sometimes and she is a friend on Facebook but there is no regular contact.

One of my other old girlfriend's mother popped in to the stables the other month looking for me. Thank God I wasn't there as that particular flame would be the last person on earth I would want to meet or get in touch with again.

I told my wife all about it and she was fine with it.
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Mark

garry · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:31 am Post subject:

I've had a couple of ex girlfriends contact me through facebook. On was nice and it was great finding out about her kids and her life, the other was painful - she started emailing me about problems at home etc. Proceed with caution!

Apex clipper

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:58 am Post subject:

Maybe your right. Maybe should just delete the email. It will probably seem really rude to her but so what. When we finished she tried to carry on being friends. I'm pretty sure she moved straight on to someone else.

After a few texts i just told her i couldnt carry on being 'friends' and deleted her number.
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Nice Guy Eddie · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:01 pm Post subject:

you'd like to shag her still wouldn't you.

Only get in contact if the you can get away with it or if you only have eyes for your wife and you wouldn't touch the old bird with a barge pole.
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simonp · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:07 pm Post subject:

An old girlfriend and I got in touch via facebook and it got a little awkward with her telling me she still had feelings for me, but I just came straight out and said it wasn't mutual. The fact that she'd put on about 10 stone was a big help, though!

scamper · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:24 pm Post subject:

"him" · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:28 pm Post subject:

I have no ex-girlfriends, but have had a few female friends contact me via facebook... I would steer clear if I were you, just think of it as a compliment and leave things as they are if you are happy with your situation.

I guess she genuinely just wants to meet up, then suggest you bring Amanda along? See what her reaction to that is...
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Remember - A gym without chalk is a heath spa...

SpecB · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject:

Eff One · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:36 pm Post subject:

Twelfth Monkey · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:42 pm Post subject:

Now this is the sort of thread that you don't seem to find at other forums. And this place is all the better for it...
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"Accident Blackspot"? These aren't accidents. They're throwing themselves into the road gladly. Throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness.'

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:44 pm Post subject:

Replied with a short email. Asked how she was, told her i had a house. Didnt mention i was married i want to see what her angle for getting in touch is first.

As i said above i told amanda last night, i dont think i have any secrets from her. Apart from a few dvds in the sock drawer like.....
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"him" · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:56 pm Post subject:

franki68 · Petrolhead Joined: 10 Jan 2007 Posts: 2382

Scouse · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:07 pm Post subject:

gonnabuildabuggy · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:11 pm Post subject:

scamper · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:14 pm Post subject:

Apex clipper · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:23 pm Post subject:

TimR · Last edited by TimR on Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

Pkh72 · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:29 pm Post subject:

One thing you have to bear in mind is how happy would you be if the wife started to converse with an ex of hers out of the blue?
If you wouldn't be too fussed and trusted her and she is the same with you then there is no harm in it i wouldn't think.

Best to do what you are doing and try to uncover her motives first, she's not going to pop round with a sprog just about the right age is she?

On a side note i don't have any specialist material but one of my mates hides his dvd's on top of the kitchen cupboards, he's a very brave man because if his missus found them she'd be wearing his bollocks for ear rings!!
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Nothing to see here

Apex clipper

woof woof · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:40 pm Post subject:

"Replied with a short email. Asked how she was..."

I'm in contact with a few ex gf's but I'm very cautious as there are obviously reasons why we're now ex's and while I'm mostly single or at least I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder or reading my emails you, DC, have the added complication of a loving partner who could be hurt by any future contact.

In your place I'd have replied but I'd have made it a more closed reply, something like "Thank you for asking how I am, I'm married now to someone I love very much and very happy. I hope that things worked out for the best for you too. Goodbye and good luck." Something that serves as a polite but slightly cool reply and states your married and happy status. Your reply invites further contact and as you are currently happy and in a relationship why take even the smallest risk of complications?

If she contacts you again I'd say you should go down the closed and cool reply route.
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woof woof's defence lawyer claimed that "Booze played no part in his typo's."

Confucius says "all reckless speeding is caused by accidents."

Apex clipper · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:43 pm Post subject:

TimR

Pkh72 · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:46 pm Post subject:

Giant · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:47 pm Post subject:

I'd be willing to bet a chunk of cash that your ex has recently split from someone and has contacted you in search of some reassurance/comfort/confidence boost. I'd ignore the email or politely tell her to do one.

scamper · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:48 pm Post subject:

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:48 pm Post subject:

woof woof · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject:

Whatever she's after she's after it for her own reasons and her own benefit. She has something to gain (even if we don't know what it is) but as far as I can see all this can do is at best open up old wounds for you and at worst wreck your current relationship.
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woof woof's defence lawyer claimed that "Booze played no part in his typo's."

Confucius says "all reckless speeding is caused by accidents."

Pkh72 · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject:

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject:

I promise i wont email her again!
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:00 pm Post subject:

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:05 pm Post subject:

How very dare you!
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Rodge · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:15 pm Post subject:

I met a woman who's son is in my daughters class a few months ago. She was very attractive when she was younger, but is rather large now.
I wouldn't bother with anything like that though, I'm happy with who I have!
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http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm...ds.individual&VideoID=2869045

DradusContact · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject:

Big Blue · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:55 pm Post subject:

One benefit of an Eastern European other half is that she tells me she'll kill another woman trying to get into my life.

And she means it.

DC: you've shared it here; just drop it. No contact; nothing. Despite everything Marlene could still wrap me around her little finger if I wasn't pretty resolute about it. Stick her image in the wank-bank and remember how hurt you were when she dumped you the rest of the time.
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Call the fire brigade, call the firebrigade......

I said FireBRIGADE......

garry

woof woof · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:06 pm Post subject:

Could stretch to a bag of chips, and if you take her from behind you can rest your chips on her back.
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woof woof's defence lawyer claimed that "Booze played no part in his typo's."

Confucius says "all reckless speeding is caused by accidents."

Pkh72 · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:11 pm Post subject:

Watch out for the vinegar strokes though.
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Nothing to see here

Dr. Hfuhruhurr · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:21 pm Post subject: